Life
by Kristine Fellizar
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Some couples just seem to have the whole relationship thing all figured out. Couples who keep the spark alive have certain habits that prevent boredom, even after being together for a while. So what's the secret? What are they doing differently than the rest of the world? Well, according to Jim Antonsen, professional matchmaker and Co-owner of LuvBiz Chicago, couples who don't get sick of each other typically have three major traits in common: they forgive quickly, they're unselfish, and they fight fairly.
While boredom can sometimes contribute to the end of a relationship, unhealthy fighting can be relationship killer. That's why Antonsen says learning to forgive quickly is something all relationships can benefit from. Couples who don't get sick of each other know how to deal with conflict in a healthy way.
"Holding on to anger can not only make your partner feel uneasy, but it's unhealthy for you as well," Antonsen says. "Forgiveness is essential in any healthy relationship and frankly will make your own life easier to live." In addition to that, he also says these couples know how to fight fairly and they know how to compromise.
But these aren't the only habits that keep couples happy. Here are other common habits couples who don't get sick of each other have, according to experts.
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"Boundaries are a key component for couples who don’t get sick of each other," sex and relationship expert, Dr. Megan Stubbs tells Bustle. They're able to tell their partner when they need alone time, and they know what pushes their partner's buttons so they'll try to stay away from it. "If everyone knows the ground rules, it’s easier to play within the lines and minimize some of the pitfalls that come from not addressing boundaries," she says.
Ashley Batz/Bustle
Research has found laughter can benefit your relationship in some really great ways. That's why Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and owner of Exclusive Matchmaking tells Bustle, "Couples that laugh easily and often, don't get sick of each other." Instead, they enjoy each other's company, and realize that keeping it light-hearted every so often can help them feel more connected.
Ashley Batz/Bustle
Couples who don't get tired of each know that it's important to be supportive of each other. "They talk, communicate well, and depend on each other for support in life," Trombetti says. Being each other's support system can make facing problems much easier because they they can rely on their partner's to help them get through things. It is an important source of strength these couples derive from their partner.
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When you've been together for a long time, the big vacations and grand gestures aren't as important as the small every day things.
"They have learned to enjoy life’s simple pleasure whatever that means to them, whether it be going to Starbucks for a coffee on Saturday, listening to a song on the radio that they both love, or sharing inside jokes," Trombetti says. "It’s the little things that count and bond them."
Andrew Zaeh for Bustle
"On average, couples stop going to bed together about three years or so into the relationship," Chris Brantner, Certified Sleep Science Coach at SleepZoo tells Bustle. According to Branter, 75 percent of couples don't go to bed together and research shows that couples whose sleep patterns are mismatched report more disagreement, less serious conversations, and less sex.
That's why Brenda Knowles, relationship coach and author tells Bustle, couples who go to bed at the same time are more likely to stick together for a long time. "There is something very comforting about falling asleep with someone by your side," she says.
"If we go to sleep to an empty bed or wake up to one, we feel a pang of loneliness."
Although it can be difficult to make busy schedules line up, Knowles says a simple goodnight kiss before the other stays up to finish work or unwind is better than no bedtime ritual at all.
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Couples who enjoy each other continuously also tend to be highly responsive to each other. That means, if one person texts during the day, the other one does their best to respond quickly if they can. There are no hanging texts or huge waiting periods. "Gaps in communication leave us feeling empty and anxious," Knowles says. "When our loved one makes a verbal comment in hopes of attracting our attention, [we respond quickly]. This kind of close attention soothes us and makes us receptive to our partner."
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"We subconsciously absorb non-verbal interactions," Knowles says.
Positive ones, like maintaing eye contact while talking, holding hands while watching TV, or even giving each other a high five after completeting a project together, can make us feel comforted and seen. "The other night I was chopping tomatoes for a dinner salad and the cutting board kept moving as I chopped. My boyfriend put his hand on the board and steadied it for me so I could finish the task," she says. "It was a small gesture but I felt noticed and cared for."
klublu/fotolia
Doing new things together is a great way to prevent boredom from settling in. Couples who don't get sick of each other know that. "Whether it’s learning a new sport (Pickle Ball anyone?) or taking a cooking class, learning something new as a team refreshes a relationship in a fun and educational way," Dr. Jill Murray, licensed psychotherapist and author, tells Bustle. "Plus, it gives them the opportunity to practice with each other.
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Couples who don't get sick of each other make an effort to have sex and keep it exciting. "It's important to talk about your needs and desires, and listen to your partner's as well," couples therapist, Wendi L. Dumbroff, MA, LPC tells Bustle. "It doesn’t necessarily mean everything each of you might be interested in will happen, but being able to have honesty around your sexual desires is sure to create closeness and maybe a few fireworks here and there."
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"Keeping some mystery in the relationship is a factor that prevents boredom," Dumbroff says. Couples who don't get sick of each other know how to ask the right open-ended questions in order to learn more about their partner.
According to Murray, instead of asking, "How was your day?" maybe try asking "What did you do today that made your proud?" It's a great "exploratory question" that will help uncover more of your partner's thoughts and feelings.
Ashley Batz/Bustle
"I've found that when partners are responsible for themselves (i.e. they pursue personal growth, personal enjoyment, and social relationships), they're less dependent on each other to meet ALL of their needs," couples counselor, Mikela Hallmark, MS, LPC, tells Bustle.
Couples who don't get sick of each other, don't make each other their entire world. Instead, they have interests outside of the relationship. "They work together and function well in their relationships, and they're also content with who they are individually and how they're making progress in their own lives," Hallmark says. "When they come together, it's easier to find happiness in the relationship since they aren't disgruntled that their partner doesn't meet all of their needs."
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Relationship aren't perfect because people aren't perfect.
Couples who don't get sick of each other know this. "It's so easy to be dissatisfied with a relationship when you expect perfection," Hallmark says. But couples who don't bored of each other expect that their partners will have quirks. "Instead, they understand they've chosen a human person to partner with," Hallmark says. "That person has quirks, and so does the rest of the world."
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"Life gets complicated and busy," Stef Safran, matchmaker and dating expert, tells Bustle. "However, if you don't remember to make time (sans kids, job responsibilities, and family) you could forget about how things were when there were less responsibilities." Couples who keep things interesting know how to prioritize the relationship and make an effort to be with each other. They don't just make time when they can, they fit time into their already busy schedules.
Pretty much any relationship can be one where two people don't get tired of each other.
For the most part, it's not something that happens automatically. Couples who don't get sick of each other work at their relationship. If you and your partner make the commitment to put in the effort, there's no reason why your relationship can't be long-lasting and successful.
Life
by Lea Rose Emery
Fotolia
If you've been with your partner a long time, it may be that at some point you find you're getting tired of each other. Don't panic. It's totally natural for there to be ebbs and flows in a relationship. And, while sometimes people do just fall out of love, it's often not that hard to remind yourself why you care about them so much in the first place.
Firstly, try something small. You don't always have to go that far out of your way to reignite your relationship — little signs of appreciation and remembering why you care about each other can do the trick.
"From personal and professional experience, I'd suggest couples try to create little surprises to make the other member happy like showing up for a date with your partner's favorite cookies or bringing a small gift that signifies an inside joke," Gestalt life coach Nina Rubin tells Bustle.
The little gestures make such a difference in a relationship. But if you find that that's not enough, you may have to go bigger. Sometimes the change has to come from you — and sometimes it has to come from both of you — but there are plenty of things you can try to get the relationship back on track. Here' what you need to do.
The best way for things to stop feeling tired and dull? Try going somewhere new. "I also think it's important that couples get out of the TV routine and go out," Rubin says. "A night away feels very special or romantic, as does making a designated starvation at home where phones are not allowed for a period of time so the couple can truly connect and unwind together.
" If a night away isn't an option, even a new restaurant or bar or part of town can help mix things up.
You don't always have to go anywhere to try something different — tackling a new activity together can allow you to see your partner in a new light. "When you try new things together you are creating shared experiences that are new and exciting," dating coach and licensed marriage and family therapist Pella Weisman tells Bustle. "That shared excitement is a way to have both closeness and stimulation, which is a great combination for sparking things back up."
Often the most direct answer is the best one, so don't be afraid to address the problem head-on. Obviously, you don't want to say something like, "I'm bored of you." Instead, just bring up that you feel like you are in a bit of a rut in the relationship and that you think you should both be making more of an effort.
Your partner may realize they've been complacent and snap out of it.
Is there something else going on in your life? Way too often we take things out on your partners. If you're feeling restless and unhappy, it may be that you're actually feeling that way about work or your life generally — but projecting it on to your relationship.
“It’s important to maintain the health of the relationship and not become complacent, too comfortable, or too set in our routines...,” Ravid Yosef, dating and relationship coach at LoveLifeTBD.com, tells Bustle. “While the fire won’t always burn as strong as it did in the beginning of your relationship, it doesn’t have to dim either. That’s when you lose interest in one another and seek outside stimulation.” Basically, physical intimacy is important. So if you feel like you're growing tired of your partner, try to reignite the fire in the bedroom. Find a new twist that works for you and it can light up your whole relationship.
Getting your flirt game back is like being in the beginning of a relationship all over again. “Flirt during the day while you’re at work to build up anticipation,” says Yosef. “Keep doing the things that made you fall in love with each other in the first place.”
Sometimes people do just grow in different directions. If you're finding that you're tired of your partner, you may need to consider whether the two of you are still a great fit. Sometimes a relationship doesn't end because of a huge fight, you just stop exciting each other.
If you're in a long-term relationship, you may sometimes grow tired of your partner. Don't worry, because there are plenty of ways to get the spark back. So you should be making a big effort before you consider calling it quits and, most of the time, you'll be able to remind yourself what you love about them.
What is the secret of harmonious relationships? You have heard more than once, or maybe you yourself repeated the phrase: “Relationships are not easy!”. I would like to clarify. In theory, relationships themselves are very simple, because they develop in a natural rhythm according to the will of feelings: they met, fell in love, decided to be together. But the people involved in a relationship can make it difficult - and even very difficult. The fact is that we are not too pleased with the idea that "relationships need to be worked on." What kind of nonsense is this, but what about love? Why is a harmonious union, which arose from a great and bright feeling, not able to magically work by itself, like a well-oiled machine? Unfortunately, even the heroes of fairy tales do not hope for this. Relationships really take effort, and they can be strong and happy - if you know the right life hacks. A romantic connection can be strengthened and improved by working in two ways:
No magic is required, everything is extremely simple and is set out below in ten tips, following which you get a sure chance to extend your relationship to the "forever" mode.
1. Be realistic.
True love is not at all like romantic love, which makes us not notice the shortcomings of a partner. It's a choice. This is the constant support of another person, regardless of the circumstances. This is an understanding that your relationship will not always be cloudless. This is the need to deal with the problems of a partner, his fears and thoughts, even when you don’t feel like it at all. Such love is more prosaic, it requires much more effort from partners. But still, it gives a person much more. After all, in the end, it brings real happiness, and not another short-lived euphoria.
2. Respect each other.
This is the main thing in a relationship. Not attraction, not shared goals, not religion, not even love.
There will be times when you start to feel like you don't love each other at all anymore. But if you lose respect for your partner, you won't be able to get him back.
Communication, no matter how open and frequent it may be, in any case, someday will come to a standstill. Conflicts and insults cannot be avoided.
The only thing that will save your relationship is unwavering respect. Without it, you will always doubt each other's intentions, judge your partner's choices, and try to limit their independence.
In addition, you also need to respect yourself. Without self-respect, you will not be able to feel that you deserve the respect of a partner. You will constantly try to prove that you deserve it, and as a result, you will only harm your relationship.
Respect is directly related to trust. And trust is the foundation of any relationship (not just romantic ones). Without it, there can be no feeling of intimacy and calmness.
3. Discuss all problems.
If something does not suit you, be sure to discuss it. No one will fix your relationship for you. The main thing for maintaining trust is absolute honesty and openness of both partners.
Trust is somewhat like a porcelain plate. If it falls and breaks, then with great difficulty it can still be glued back together. If you break it a second time, there will be twice as many fragments, and it will also take more time and effort to put them together. But if you drop the plate over and over again, in the end, it will break into such small pieces that it will be impossible to glue them together.
4. Don't try to control each other.
We often hear that relationships require sacrifice. There is some truth in this: sometimes you really have to give up something. But if both partners constantly sacrifice themselves, they are unlikely to be happy. Such a relationship in the end will only harm them both.
Each person should be an independent person with their own views and interests.
Trying to control your partner to make him happy (or allowing you to control your own actions) will not achieve anything good.
Some are afraid to give their partner freedom and independence. The reason for this may be a lack of confidence or self-doubt. The less we value ourselves, the more we will try to control our partner's behavior.
5. Be prepared for both of you to change.
Over time, you and your partner will change - this is completely natural. Therefore, it is important to always be aware of the ongoing changes and treat them with respect.
If you plan to spend several decades together, you need to be prepared for difficulties and unforeseen situations.
Significant changes experienced by many couples may include a change in religion and political views, a move to another country, or the death of relatives (including children).
When you start dating, you only know what this person is now. You have no way of knowing what it will be like in five or 10 years. Therefore, you need to be prepared for the unexpected. Of course, it's not easy. But the ability to quarrel properly can help here.
6. Learn to quarrel.
Psychologist John Gottman identified four signs of behavior that indicate a potential breakup:
Therefore, it is worth learning how to quarrel properly:
7. Learn to forgive.
Do not try to change your partner - this is a sign of disrespect. Accept the fact that you have disagreements, love the person in spite of them, and try to forgive.
But how can one learn to forgive?
8. Be pragmatic
Any relationship is imperfect, because we ourselves are imperfect. Therefore, be pragmatic: determine what each of you is good at, what you like and dislike to do, and then assign responsibilities.
In addition, many couples are advised to pre-determine some rules. For example, how will you share all expenses? How much are you willing to borrow? How much can each partner spend without consulting the other? What do you need to buy together? How will you decide where to go on vacation?
Some even hold "annual reports", during which they discuss the conduct of business and decide what to change in the economy. This, of course, sounds trite, but this approach really helps to be aware of the needs and requirements of a partner and strengthens relationships.
9. Mind the little things.
Simple signs of attention, compliments and support mean a lot. All these little things accumulate over time and affect how you perceive your relationship.
Therefore, many advise to continue to go on dates, go out somewhere for the weekend and be sure to find time for sex, even when you are tired. Physical intimacy not only keeps a relationship healthy, it even helps mend it when things go wrong.
This becomes especially important with the advent of children. In modern culture, they are almost prayed for. It is believed that parents should sacrifice everything for them.
The best guarantee that children will grow up healthy and happy is a healthy and happy relationship between parents.
So let your relationship always come first.
10. Learn to catch a wave.
Relationships are like waves on the sea. Such waves are different emotions, ups and downs in a relationship. Some last only a few hours, others several months or even years.
The main thing is not to forget that these waves by themselves practically do not reflect the quality of the relationship. They are influenced by many external factors: loss or change of job, death of relatives, moving, financial difficulties.
You just need to catch the wave with your partner, wherever it takes you.
It is important to understand that we ourselves can shape our life attitudes, emotions and feelings and consciously approach our relationships. Then it turns out that the secret of a long life together is not such a secret after all. Be open, grateful and focus on your love for each other, not on negative emotions!
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Renew your relationship
Sooner or later in every family there are periods when it seems that love has passed and it is no longer possible to return it. And it is at such a time that, if the necessary measures are not taken, a happy marriage can fall apart. And all this happens primarily due to the fact that the novelty has disappeared in the relationship and they have become commonplace.
And if suddenly this problem has affected your family, you should not immediately rush to various extremes, but you need to approach such a delicate issue thoroughly prepared.
First of all, reconsider your attitude, and also remember a few golden rules for an ideal relationship.
You shouldn't blame anyone here, but you should look into yourself first of all.
- Man is not a girlfriend , frequent phone calls can be off-putting. Therefore, do not call for any insignificant reason. It is especially difficult in those cases when you are a very talkative person by nature. And you perceive your young man as not only a life partner, but also another listener. And, if at first, your news about what they saw, they will be perceived normally, then in the future, this can cause numerous disputes and insults. After all, if he is at work, then listening to what happened to a neighbor or being shown on TV will be unpleasant for him. And besides, it is worth remembering: the phone is a means of urgent communication.
And when you constantly bother a man over trifles, he may simply not pick up the phone when something serious happens. And the time spent apart allows you to miss each other, which is very important in a relationship.
- Another important principle of a happy family life - do not elevate a man to the rank of god . Since in such a situation, your life partner can simply become proud. Find yourself an exciting activity, take care of your internal and external. After all, the sight of a well-groomed and beautiful companion next to flatters any man. And besides, doing any hobby, you will get a bunch of new information, which you can then talk about with your companion, especially if it is interesting to both. For a man to appreciate you and feel your love, do not hang on him all the time. Chat with friends, spend time with parents.
- Many even very couples face problems, and sometimes even break up, due to innuendo . When two people start living together, there will be a clash of habits and different lifestyles in any area.
Someone does not close the toothpaste, and someone does not put the cup in the sink; one shuffles his shoes, and the other does not like such sounds. Here, there can be many reasons and reasons for indignation, and moreover, they are very different and ordinary. And when we keep all the discontent in ourselves, then sooner or later it will spill out into a grandiose scandal. At what it may turn out that your companion does not even know about these nuances. Therefore, in order not to poison your life with unpleasant moments and not destroy peace in the family, you should always share your experiences with your life partner. After all, men value openness in relationships very highly. And as they say, they are not telepaths to read your thoughts. And besides, this is a double-edged sword, because a man may also not like your habits. Therefore, it is worth immediately discussing what, how and why. Than then to sob at the family hearth broken by misunderstanding.
- And one of the most important rules - don't be afraid to be weak .
Indeed, as a rule, men can be frightened and even repelled by the sight of a strong woman. You should not be a nurse here, but your companion should always feel like the head of the family and, most importantly, a man. You should not grab everything on your own, leave the hard work to the stronger sex. So if you will take care of your man and do all the work yourself, then sooner or later he may simply feel unnecessary. And besides, if from the very beginning you put yourself in such a position, then in the end it may turn out that a sissy will be next to you. And there will be absolutely no help and support from him, as he will get used to the fact that you yourself will do everything.
Data small tricks will help prevent monotony and routine in family life . However, do not forget about the most important thing: love. Try to show it as often as possible at any time. And these should not be memorized and monotonous phrases, but rather something coming from the heart and soul.
It is especially important to know not only the cure for the disease, but also the causes. So very often cooling in a relationship arises due to the fact that both satellites let the situation take its course. And also when both spouses have inflated self-esteem and expect that it is the satellite that should change, and he himself is ideal. For many couples, the reason for cooling in feelings is a banal ignorance of each other, as well as what they like in a satellite. Only after the time spent together do many details about the characters and habits begin to emerge. And the biggest reason for all family drama is the lack of compromise. After all, everyone knows that in order to have a happy and lasting marriage, you need to be able to not only forgive, believe and love, but also be able to compromise. It is the ability to give in, and not go ahead, that helps many couples find harmony and long-awaited peace.
Don't underestimate each other's wishes . After all, if one expects some act from another, and he does not live up to these expectations, then in the end unpleasant situations cannot be avoided.
Family relationships are very fragile and therefore need constant support and protection. And if you take them especially seriously, then they do not need to make any changes and amendments.
In a harmonious relationship, everything is quite balanced and balanced . They do not have a period of alienation, not moments of cooling. For such couples, life flows calmly and happily.
It's no secret that people get tired of each other, especially those who live close and come into contact daily. We very often take simple fatigue (over-communication) for the final rupture of relations. "He fell out of love with me!" “I no longer have the same feelings for this man!” "He bored me!" - our consciousness signals, and we are ready to break all ties and start a new romance, because boredom is not what we expect from life. Most of the divorces occur precisely because of the boredom and emotional fatigue of the spouses from each other.
Of course, when creating a family, getting close to people, we do not initially aim at the fact that we will suddenly get bored with this person.
Every day seems to us, if not a holiday, then at least something outstanding and deserving of our attention. As soon as it invades life, we become bitter. "How wrong I was!" "He's such a bore!" "She's just unbearable!"
But, the fact is that most of our everyday life just looks like a boring long series. It contains a countless number of the most ordinary days and nights, routine, household trifles, which are far from an exciting life thriller. And it just needs to be taken for granted. That is, take it easy.
There are people who deliberately try to "spice it up" and turn ordinary daily activities into problems, time troubles and volcanic eruptions of anger, criticism, tyranny and other negative lava.
By and large, it depends only on us how we fill our days. Boring things or new discoveries, even if they concern the simplest household trifles. Turning life into a permanent holiday is not easy, but it is quite possible. Another thing is whether you need this permanent holiday.
After all, even from the holidays a person gets tired.
We get tired of hard hard work just like . We get tired of calm and even relationships in the same way as we get tired of a constantly active family volcano. We should probably come to terms with the fact that we always get tired of something. Just accept this fact as a natural phenomenon of our life. Get some rest, take a bath, drink a cup of tea, watch your favorite movie, wrap yourself in a blanket and just sleep. And that's it, fatigue is gone.
What about emotional fatigue from a person and from a relationship? In our life, you noticed, of course, even without our participation or desire, emotional fading and emotional outbursts occur. We get closer, nowhere, and then imperceptibly move away from each other. Sometimes it happens on a subconscious level. Today I don’t want to see you, but tomorrow I can’t tear myself away.
And that's okay. Although in some cases it acquires some features of exaltation and excessive obsession with periods of cooling and rapprochement.
Some people just get frustrated when they get tired of a partner. They are ready to dig the earth and tear their hair out, if only to return the former intensity of passions. They see almost a catastrophe in the cooling period, with which something urgently needs to be done. At the very least, get divorced.
Of course, fatigue and coldness can be symptoms of more serious problems than simple oversaturation (oversufficiency) of communication. Therefore, when faced with cooling and fatigue in your relationship, do not be alarmed. Time and quality rest will put everything in its place! Just move away, move away a little from each other. As even very loving couples do to fall asleep. They touch with a part of the body, with their hands or feet, they feel warmth nearby, but at the same time, they give their loved one their own space for.
Practice the same in your life. Do not go too far, do not close tightly and for a long time, be in touch, keep the warmth of light contact. Take care of yourself during your time of withdrawal. It is necessary for each of us to be filled with new content, new impressions, new meaning of our own life. And then walk forward. You will feel a new surge of love. You will again want hot kisses and hot hugs. From such periods, by and large, our whole life consists. You just shouldn't take cooling as black streaks in your relationship.
First, they are inevitable and necessary for your emotional rehabilitation and relaxation.
Second, they give you the opportunity for self-development.
Third, they exclude satiety. It is probably no coincidence that many families practice traveling apart, different jobs, hen and stag parties, even sex on the side. When we constantly see the same, even a very beautiful face in front of us, we hear the same, albeit very clever, speech, we are drawn to something else.
You can, of course, try to diversify your life. It even needs to be done. Some women change their hair color and appearance almost every month. But even from this variety a person sometimes gets tired no less than from the same house dressing gown. That's how his mind works!
Don't panic. Any fatigue passes. And then it becomes clear whether you are really close or whether this is just a mechanical or forced misalliance that does not bind you with heart ties. Many families are based on children, material obligations, joint moments of life, habit. Even if it seems to you that your heart is already silent, let yourself “starve” without this person, without completely breaking with him.
Give your partner a good break from you! Let him miss your lips, your body, touch, smile, word. Take, for example, this is, of course, a good thing, if there is a desire and opportunities./s3/static.nrc.nl/bvhw/files/2019/06/data45844134-285c24.jpg)
But, you see, if you have sex every day, or even several times a day, it loses its sharpness and turns into some kind of mandatory program, the administration of natural needs, a routine. Let yourself get bored, hold each other in the tension of waiting. Tease each other ... And sex will not lose its novelty and sunk.
Don't bother each other on purpose. Sometimes we simply overwhelm our loved one either with excessive care, or with the fear of losing control over him. We torment him with continuous calls, sms, exaggerated attention. This is also tiring. Everything should be in moderation. Even if you value this person very much and do not want to lose him for anything, dose your presence and influence on him.
Don't forget the heart connection, that light touch (even a mental one), which should always remain between you, like the warmth of presence near, even at a distance. Otherwise, a long cold rest from each other will turn into alienation, turn the crack of fatigue between you into a real abyss of alienation.
"Take a break from me!" - tell your loved ones one day and go on a trip around the world in your hot air balloon, let them get bored a little. Let them try to do without you, maybe then they will begin to truly appreciate you, and not accept you as an obligatory and boring element of their life.
The first sign is irritation, mild at first and then hard to hide from your partner. This is how emotional fatigue sets in. Is it possible to fight this?
Relationships can get boring at some point, just like a three-year-old sweater gets boring. If earlier the partner’s shortcomings seemed tolerable, then some time later you can hardly listen to his everyday whining about your superiors and boredom at work, about insults to colleagues, and you are not even able to respond normally to his complaints about a headache. "Take a pill" - you growl angrily and move away from his field of vision. The reason is simple "every day is the same".
Here are a few rules that will help to get around the "sharp corners" and maintain a normal atmosphere in the family for many years.
Tip one. Give access keys to your reactions to your partner in advance, without waiting for the problem to arise. You don't have to be a psychologist here. Enough observation. If you are quick-tempered, but quickly "depart", explain this to your partner. Help him figure out where you just have emotional outbursts, and where is some serious task that needs to be solved. If you tend to endlessly "chew" the same problems - find the courage to admit this not only to yourself.
Tip two. Often, from each quarrel, partners manage to draw conclusions about the "futility" of the relationship and, in an emotional outburst, almost disperse. Meanwhile, a day later the problem was solved, and everyone forgot about the threats to "break up forever." Learn to follow the 48 hour rule. If during this period the quarrel has not yet exhausted itself, it can be considered serious and treated accordingly. In the meantime, two days have not expired - do not draw any serious conclusions from the spat.
Learn to wait.
Third tip. You don't always have to react. It is not uncommon for men to admit that the best way to respond to their problems is to not respond. And women sometimes, feeling that something is not right, begin to question, react violently to the bad mood of their spouse, fall into melancholy. Sometimes men fall for the same bait of the soul, not tea in their wife, they are able to climb the wall from her every mood swing. Such an emotional reaction may also be based on selfishness, for example, you are in a good mood, and your partner came gloomy and unable to share it. So, live the evening itself, without its resonance. And do not interfere in his mental process - if he is calm for you, he will quickly solve his problems. You can offer to help, but that's not the same as "sharing" his moodiness by getting irritated or crying.
Fourth tip. Change, develop - both together and separately. This is the best way to avoid emotional fatigue.
Solve problems, don't chew them.
There are no hopeless situations. A person who has not advanced one iota in solving his internal difficulties in a year or two can cause irritation in a partner. Not to mention the longer periods of joint life. Try some new approaches to your difficulties, listen to the opinion of your partner. In the end, another person is given to us, including in order for someone to help us see ourselves from the outside.
Fatigue sets in in many ways, no matter how long people have been together. It seems that everything is the same as before (that is, good), but inside there is a feeling of emptiness. Why?
The worst thing to do when you start feeling tired is to hide it. Be silent once, be silent twice, and then you will completely forget how you talked.
Pretending and pretending that everything is fine is a mistake. Often fatal. No need to think about what will happen, like in the movies: love to the grave without problems. No. Life is more realistic, everything happens in it, including fatigue from a partner.
Fear of being misunderstood, offending a person, injuring him, leads to silence. Drop by drop, patience accumulates, and then pours out in one day. And more often ends with a breakup, because there is no more strength to endure and “get tired”.
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Do not show yourself as too vulnerable a person to whom you cannot even say two negative words.
Situations where people move away from each other require serious study. If you start thinking about it, you will probably come up with specific things that you don’t like about your partner. With them, you need to start.
Another important point is how you react if you are suddenly told that you are tired. It can be uncomfortable, painful and scary. But gather your will into a fist and control yourself! No need to get hysterical, angry and offended.
Think about how you can make a difference. Once you've found the courage to admit your problem, the first (and most important) step is done!
If you still love each other, any problems can be overcome.
Listen to your partner, talk honestly and sincerely with him, open up and allow the other to be open.
When there is a crisis in a relationship, most couples try to rekindle the fire of their former passion. Many fail. But some do it!
LET'S START with what a crisis is in general. “Of course, psychologists have long noticed that relationship problems can occur after a year of marriage, three, seven, eleven, twenty years,” says family psychotherapist Andrey PLATONOV, “but, by and large, it’s not about numbers, but about what is happening between the two partners. First of all, such reasons come from their lips: "tired of each other", "he (she) does not understand me", "we constantly quarrel".0003
Where to get harmony?
"TIRED of each other" - at first glance, a paradoxical statement for loving people. However, if the spouses have different hobbies, views on life and habits, then it may seem to them that they are “tired” of living side by side, but in “different dimensions”.
This is because many couples create an alliance without even asking each other about interests and goals in life. Or overlook some key differences. And this is very important for harmony in the family. Many husbands and wives live parallel lives for many years, and often this ends with the fact that one of the partners meets a new love.
American relationship specialist Liz Jane believes that true spiritually warm contact can grow over the years if a man and a woman initially wanted this together and understood that they would need to be attentive, patient, and tactful. After all, the true union of two hearts is compromises, concessions and at the same time the same values.
There is no way back
UNIQUE Elizabeth Taylor, one of Hollywood's record holders in the number of marriages (she married seven times), lived with her fifth husband, Richard Burton, a tumultuous 10 years filled with passion for each other and for money. Earning together, they lived in grand style.
In the frantic pace of life, they managed to give birth to two children. But in the end they got tired of each other, took lovers and divorced loudly. However, time passed, and Elizabeth realized that she could not live without Burton. For a month and a half, she tried to persuade him to marry her again. The secondary ceremony took place in Africa, on the banks of the river, "under the auspices" of the leader of the local tribe. But less than three weeks have passed, as the "newlyweds" parted, realizing that the past cannot be returned. Taylor recalls Barton as one of his "greatest loves".
Once Edita Piekha was courted passionately by Vladimir Polyakov until she agreed to marry him. But, having lived together for several years, the couple stopped finding a common language. Polyakov increasingly began to linger in Moscow, where he has a job. And Edita Stanislavovna lived alone in her house near St. Petersburg, surrounded by many dogs. According to people from the singer's entourage, the couple wanted to divorce more than once, but at the last moment they backed down, trying to improve relations.
Once Vladimir Polyakov, once again arriving from Moscow, went to walk one of the dogs. She pulled the leash, he fell and hit. Such an absurdity was the notorious "last straw" and the reason for not returning to Piekha's house anymore. The couple separated.
One of the most beloved artistic couples in our country - Vladimir Menshov and Vera Alentova once risked starting all over again. They got married while still students. They lived in different dormitories, even when their daughter Yulia was born. There was little money, we had to see each other infrequently, the situation was tense to the limit. That is why they decided to leave, so as not to torment each other. But three years have passed, and, having weighed everything, the couple decided to reunite, now forever. And for many years Alentova and Menshov have been a model of fidelity and stability. If they weren't together, maybe they wouldn't be standing on the shelf in their apartment now for the Oscar for the cult film Moscow Doesn't Believe in Tears.
Among Western stars, a vivid example of a new round of love with an "old" husband is "Miss Big Breasts" Pamela Anderson. In 1995, she jumped out to marry rock musician Tommy Lee, from whom she had two children. In 1998, the couple fled with a loud scandal. Pamela complained to the authorities that Tommy beat her. And the musician even ended up behind bars for a short time. When he was released, he visited his ex-wife from time to time, although she almost remarried, and Tommy had an affair with the singer Pink. But Anderson admitted that between her and Tommy is a "cosmic" connection, which won. Last year, they had a second wedding, for which Tommy gave his wife a ring with one black and two gray diamonds.
Five steps
STATISTICS is inexorable. As Marina KRASILNIKOVA, a psychologist-consultant on family relations, said, only a few manage to enter the same river twice. More often, people still destroy unions that have lasted for years or continue to live in the same territory, but alienated, without making attempts to restore relations.
