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Patricia Davis, MS
Maintaining your sex life might seem like the last thing on your list of priorities. After all, kids, career, and your social life keep you busy. You’re not the only one. Less than 50% of women who’ve been married over 4 years say they want regular sex. If you’d rather roll over and go to sleep than be intimate with your partner, it might be time to start thinking about improving your sex life. These eight tips will help.
Research shows that couples who talk about sex together tend to have better sex. You don’t get what you don’t ask for. It can also be helpful to know if the things you’re doing in the bedroom are effective. Communicating with your partner about sex can help you both to more effectively state your needs and let each other know when you are (or aren’t) feeling ready for intimacy. Who knows, it might just improve your overall relationship as a couple.
Are you waiting until you hit the sheets to get your hands on each other? If so, you’re doing it wrong. Great sex begins with the small touches. Holding hands, kissing, or hugging throughout the day will put you both in the mood for when you get the chance to be intimate. So don’t wait to get a little handsy. It’ll strengthen your relationship and create an atmosphere of trust and love.
Still using the same moves you used in the early days of your relationship? It’s time to get creative.
All of us (but especially women) get turned on by different things at different times, depending on our mood. So don’t use the old “fall back” when it comes to sex. The nice thing about intimacy is that there are numerous ways to spice things up. Massage, dirty talk, toys, and new locations or positions can help. Whatever you do, aim to keep things fresh.
Intimacy is not all roses, but talking about it like it is may improve your sexual satisfaction. A 2016 study found that couples who could joke about embarrassing sexual moments and emphasized praise during sex had higher sexual satisfaction. Keeping things positive in (and out) of the bedroom will help you both stay satisfied with your sex life.
Mental foreplay is the most effective type of foreplay. Talk and flirt regularly throughout the day, even if it’s just a short text or email. Being attentive and complimenting your spouse often sets the mood long before you reach the bedroom.
It’s a well-known fact that exercise produces endorphins that lift your mood. In addition to having many other health benefits, exercise might also increase your sex drive. When you exercise, the circulation in your body improves (including the blood flow to your genitals). With increased circulation your mood and sexual desire will improve. Lace up and hit the gym together for even more benefits before you get moving in the bedroom.
Sharing household chores can lead to more satisfying and more frequent sex. Research shows that creating fairness in the division of labor at home may spice things up in the bedroom. Let him cook a little more. Split up laundry and work together on household chores whenever possible.
If you can’t seem to get your partner interested in intimacy in the evenings, you might be trying the wrong time of day. Instead of your normal routine in the evenings, try adding sex into your morning or afternoon schedule.
With men’s testosterone levels peaking in the morning and women’s ovulation hormones happening in the afternoons, you’ll be better served to have sex during those times when one (or both) of you is ready instead of in the evenings when both of you are exhausted.
Improving sex and intimacy in your relationship doesn’t have to be difficult. With a few small tweaks you can enhance your relationship together instead of falling asleep watching TV before you drift off to sleep.
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Last Updated: 3/14/2018
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If tired sex is the only sex you're having, or if your sex life is stalled by constant fatigue, it's time to find a solution. Try these better sex tips today.
By Madeline KnightMedically Reviewed by Pat F. Bass III, MD, MPH
Reviewed:
Medically Reviewed
Is fitting sex into your daily life a struggle? “Everybody I know is crazy busy, overscheduled, and running,” says sex therapist Sheri Winston, RN, CNM, LMT, author of Women’s Anatomy of Sexual Arousal: Secret Maps to Buried Pleasure. Given your hectic schedule, you might not even notice that the intimacy you once enjoyed is now just tired sex, if it’s happening at all. But there’s reason to turn the situation around: A better sex life improves your health and overall quality of life.
One of the leading reasons you may say you are too tired for sex is that you don’t want to face a problem in your relationship.
“It can be a lot easier to say you’re tired than to sit down and say there’s something we need to discuss,” notes Winston. Anger and resentment are among the emotions that could be contributing to tired sex. If you still can’t face the conversation alone, air it out with a therapist and rebuild your sex life.
“It’s easy to flop in front of the TV at the end of a long day,” Winston says. And then, before you know it, your partner has gone to sleep (alone) and you are fading, too, or facing sleep deprivation. Winston advises turning the screens off early and cuddling instead to jump-start your sex life. “It’s terrible to have a television in your bedroom, which should just be for intimacy and sleep,” she says. This advice applies to screens of all sorts — for better sex, remove work and video games from the time and space devoted to intimacy.
Being overscheduled could mean that you truly are too stressed out even for tired sex.
But good sex is so important to your personal quality of life and your partner’s life that it shouldn’t take a backburner to, say, volunteering for the rummage sale. “Look at your life and what you are doing,” says Winston. “You have to cut back somewhere,” but it shouldn’t be in terms of your sex life.
Once you are in the rut of tired sex or no sex, you might find that the pressure to perform is causing you to avoid the bedroom. Winston suggests taking a step back. “Ease off the pressure and just cuddle. Many times, that will lead naturally to sex, but if it doesn’t, so what?” Affection and tender physical contact are also important investments in your happiness and, ultimately, a better sex life.
Early warnings of heart disease include difficulty with erections, which can certainly impact your sex life. If you don’t have the “get up and go” you once had, consider talking to a cardiologist about your heart health and the health of your sex life.
“Congestive heart failure makes you feel tired in general and takes away a lot of functionality, sex included,” says urologist Craig Niederberger, MD, FACS, head of the department of urology at the University of Illinois in Chicago. When you have early warnings like fatigue, you could be less than five years from your first heart attack, so get it checked out.
When your hormones are out of whack, your sex life can peter to a standstill. “Libido is controlled in large part by testosterone,” says Dr. Niederberger. “So that’s the first thing I would look for.” Men can talk to a urologist and women to their ob-gyn if they are concerned that their hormones aren’t functioning correctly and, therefore, impeding good sex. A simple medical fix can put you on track to a better sex life.
If you are too tired for sex as well as everything and everyone else you used to enjoy, it’s possible that you are depressed and experiencing sleep loss or sleep deprivation.
The first step to a better sex life is treating the depression. Talk to a therapist about how you can improve your mood and regain your enthusiasm for life. Depression treatment often includes medication, but many people can regain their joie de vivre through therapy and changes in diet, exercise, and sleep habits.
Tired sex might just be the result of boredom in general. One way to rebuild sexual energy and revive your sex life is to become passionate about something else. “If you have something to share about a hobby or a book you are reading, it gives you a little spark,” Winston says. So, whether your secret passion is amateur astronomy or Thai cooking, investigating it further can translate to good sex.
Exercise improves your sex life by keeping you fit enough to enjoy romping with your lover, but exercising too much could just wear you out. Everyone should get at least 30 minutes of physical activity on most days of the week, reminds Winston.
Fit people can do more than that in a day, of course. But stop pushing yourself till you drop or, if you are training for a specific reason, talk to your trainer about when to take breaks and conserve energy for better sex, itself a fitness activity.
There is a strong link between sleep deprivation and a less-than-satisfactory sex life. A study of 827 men demonstrated that those who snored the most often had the least satisfying sex lives, although their sexual function was not impaired. Addressing the problem that keeps you from sleeping — whether it’s snoring or simply not getting enough sleep — can lead to a better sex life.
If you’ve been tired for months and sleep doesn’t refresh you, you could have chronic fatigue syndrome. This condition, which often is at its worst at the end of the day, can slow you down to about half of your normal capability — and lead to tired sex.
See your doctor for medical treatment and remember that your sex life is flexible. Try to be intimate during the time of day when you feel your best, even if that’s the middle of the morning — good sex can happen anytime and anywhere.
Aesthetic and physical pleasure that is felt both sexual partners during and after sex can be trite destroyed. The most common cause of disappointment from a man's actions is his fast orgasm and inability to repeat the act for a long time. Why does a man get tired during sex in the most inopportune moment and the reasons that explain this state are many.
Content of article
For the amount of time it takes for a man to in order to be in the right shape again, a woman may lose her primary excitation.
Too frequent problems of this kind can provoke rupture of relations between partners, and in a man additionally cause a complex inferiority.
It is customary to single out several main factors, thanks to which partners feel a natural attraction to each other.
During sex, most men initially try to focus on the process itself, for the simple reason that for them the first turn important point is the satisfaction of the partner. Only after how it becomes clear that a woman enjoys sexual contact, emotional satisfaction appears, during which the man ceases to control himself. It is in this place that many men after orgasm and ejaculation, the period between phases of erection may be delayed.
The first sign of healthy rest is a spontaneous erection immediately after waking up. 
Such a phenomenon can go into the phase of the formation of traffic jams and the development of impotence. Older men do not feel the need for sex, but this does not mean that they do not need it at all. From the age of 50 sex for the stronger sex is also a necessity, but not as often need, as seen at a younger age.
Erection problems in juveniles of strong age are not so a rare phenomenon, it's just that many are embarrassed to talk about it openly. If people with everything is relatively clear with age, then in boys and young people the cause of the fall of the penis during sex, the following factors can become.
Frequent similar situations provoke the development of early impotence. The listed reasons are the main, but not all. Recently, young people often have erection problems due to passion for various substances that increase the emotional state. The use of various energy drinks, psychotropic and narcotic substances causes an early stage of impotence and failures in erection during sexual intercourse contact.
In order to correct such violations, it is necessary to first turn to take care of yourself.
situation with a sex partner, as well as consult a medical institution with a sexopathologist.
In addition, it is necessary to a comprehensive examination to identify secondary causes.
How often in your life people hear a similar phrase: "My girlfriend tired during sex"? Almost never, because sharing your intimate life, subject it to discussion, and even more so to speak openly about any problems may not be for everyone. But the fact remains, and the problem is often does not disappear by itself. Therefore, it is necessary to give such important topic due attention in order to avoid subsequent conflicts, which arise on the basis of omissions and dissatisfaction with their sexual life. 9This problem is not is an isolated case. Such situations are especially common in the initial stage, when the girl is just starting to have sex. It may deliver no small discomfort to both the girl herself and her chosen one, because sex should serve as a release and a source of pleasure for both partners.
In general, many pairs have problems of a sexual nature, but are extremely reluctant to discuss them. Partners are often afraid to admit even to each other that something is not right for them. suits, if only not to belittle the self-esteem of a dear person. Although, despite all the intimacy of the issue, a large number of people are already boldly discussing this topic on various forums. They share experience, ask counter and related questions. And if this article nevertheless attracted attention, then the question got up on edge and is as relevant as ever.
Types of fatigue during sex in girls can be several: physical, emotional and mixed. The selection of these types is absolutely conditional.
Physical fatigue . It is understood that the girl plays an active role all the time, that is, poses are used in which she has to make physical efforts. For example, the pose of a rider. It is not surprising that in this situation the girl gets tired (how dares at all).
To solve this kind of problem, you just need to talk with your partner and discuss the possibility of using other positions to please both parties (and not just the man).
Emotional fatigue. It happens that many men are too active in bed. No, they are not just doing their job, but at the same time they are constantly trying to change positions, they talk a lot and, in general, I must say, they demand too much. And the girl just wants to relax and have fun. Hence emotional fatigue, exhaustion. After such "adventures" a sweet dream is the only pleasure. The solution to this problem will also be a frank conversation with your soul mate (but not during sex, of course).
Mixed fatigue or psychophysical . He did not have time to finish, and she was already tired. How is this possible? Too long? But girls love for a long time, don't they? Or not? What's the catch here? The time indicator is not a qualitative characteristic.
Rather, on the contrary, if too long active “work” does not bring the desired sensations, not only physical fatigue appears, but also emotional (tuned in, tuned in and nothing).
If a girl during the process declares that she is tired and wants nothing more, then she simply does not see the point in continuing this “routine”. She just got bored, and the constant pushing made her pretty physically exhausted.
The last type of fatigue hides much more complex causes, and therefore the solutions will not be so unambiguous. To begin with, it is necessary to understand why sex does not bring physical satisfaction to a girl. Perhaps she is shy? Or afraid? Or is it focused on something else?
It is necessary, again, through conversation, to find answers to all such questions, to look into the depths of your own feelings and sensations (as well as your partner). It can be overwhelming at first, but don't give up. Everything comes with experience, and "Moscow was not built right away."
More one of the possible options for eliminating psychophysical fatigue will be the replacement habitual sex to non-standard options.
